Relationship With Your Surrogate Mother

Relationship With Your Surrogate Mother


The long-awaited moment has come; your child has been born. You, as newly made parents, of course, thanked your surrogate mother for pregnancy. And this is quite normal because she played an indispensable role during this journey. What to do next? Many are interested in this issue. How and whether it is necessary to continue communication and your relationship with the surrogate?

By deciding to enter the surrogacy program, prospective parents and surrogate mothers are included in the flow of medical examinations, consultations and arrangements. Being engaged in the processes of pregnancy, its participants are not particularly focused on the psychological side of the issue. And it is difficult to predict how the program participants will experience after everything is over. However, after the birth of a child, surrogate mothers sometimes encounter certain psychological difficulties. Do not sidestep this question and intended parents.

It is difficult to predict in advance how your relationship will develop in the future. The birth of a child, the first months of his life in a loving family, is a period of adaptation. He is emotionally tense and difficult, both for his parents and for a surrogate. And you need to consider your future relationship before the child is born.

Keeping a Relationship With Your Surrogate Mother: Yes or Not

Keeping a Relationship With Your Surrogate Mother

When the long surrogacy journey comes to an end, it requires a lot of training, regular communication, and support. In most cases, after the birth of the child, the parents are completely involved in the new process. They are increasingly busy, and communication stops.

You should consider that the postnatal period without a child is morally very difficult for a woman. Yes, they get rid (or rather transfer) of responsibility. Some see it as a relief and getting rid of physical fatigue. But this period confuses other surrogates.

But this should not be perceived as a rejection of the child, but like the fact that you did not have a child from the very beginning. You immediately hatched it for other people, and it’s them. Yes, surrogacy is a tremendous experience. But the continuation of relations after childbirth is not characteristic of every selected couple.

For those who succeeded, a psychological approach and support greatly simplify life. Alleviate postpartum depression (if any).

Keep Communication Open

Frequent meetings of intended parents and surrogate mothers provide a strong foundation for achieving common goals and further close communication in the postnatal period. The more you are involved, share and discuss, the better. In cases where direct communication is impossible, you need to contact the relationship manager who leads your couple as often as possible. In the end, all these items will be crucial.

It is important to understand that a surrogate mother can experience negative emotions, grief after the baby’s birth. And this is definitely due to the loss of the experience of caring. To experience a variety of emotions at the climax of this process is great and completely normal. But what to expect next?

To support her, you can simply offer to hold the baby, take pictures with him, or everyone together. The surrogate mother cannot ask for it herself, but it will help her calm down if the initiative goes on her part. With such gestures, you will show some completeness of the whole process.

It is invaluable for a surrogate mother to spend time after childbirth with intended parents. Just allow her to watch you so that she completely calms down deep in her mind.

Relationship Boundaries

At the beginning of the process, attachment anxiety can become a real problem for many intended parents. But is this a reason to limit communication? It is important to understand that surrogates do not develop this attachment and do not experience emotional problems associated with the child’s return to their family.

As the relationship develops, all fears subside, and couples find a common language and go to a new communication level.

Child in the relationship: Involve or Not?

All sides of the process should feel comfortable. This will determine the degree of interaction of the surrogate with the child in the future. And in each pair, situations add up according to their scenario. But it is better not to do any mystery with it.

This is wonderful when prospective parents decide to support a surrogate mother. Relationships can be as full-fledged and without regular contacts. Send photos of your child to the surrogate mother, try to keep informed of important changes in his life, at least during the initial stages. And you need to accept that the reality is that over time communication can definitely stop. Ultimately, it is hoped that all parties will be able to look back at the experience of surrogacy with an appreciation for what it was and the incredible impact it has had.

Navigating Emotional Transitions

The emotional landscape traversed during the surrogacy journey is complex and filled with highs and lows. The culmination of this process, the birth of the child, marks a significant transition for all parties involved. For the surrogate mother, it might be a time of mixed emotions as she has nurtured the child in-utero and is now parting ways. The intended parents, on the other hand, are engulfed in the joy and responsibilities of parenthood. It’s crucial to acknowledge the emotional transitions and provide a supportive environment for each other. Sharing feelings, experiences, and concerns openly can contribute to a smooth transition. Engaging in counseling or support groups specifically designed for surrogacy scenarios can also be beneficial in navigating the emotional intricacies involved.

Maintaining a Healthy Distance


It is natural for boundaries to shift and evolve as the surrogacy process unfolds. Post-birth, it’s essential to establish a healthy distance to allow each party to adapt to their new roles. The intended parents need space to bond with their baby, and the surrogate needs time to recover physically and emotionally. While keeping communication lines open, it’s wise to set clear boundaries that respect each other’s privacy and personal space. These boundaries should be discussed and agreed upon, ensuring everyone’s comfort and understanding. It’s a delicate balance between maintaining a meaningful relationship with the surrogate and ensuring a comfortable space for the new family to grow and flourish. Over time, the nature of the relationship between the surrogate and the intended parents may change, and that’s perfectly okay.